An infamous story to some who know me, this is one I love, especially because it doesn't require me to talk about myself. Plus, it does a pretty good job of describing some quirks of where I hail from.
A friend of mine, who I shall call Billy, had quit community college to work fulltime at Wal-Mart. I was home one break from college and we went out on the town to grab dinner and some drinks. On the way home he starts to tell me this story. Keep in mind that the entire time he's telling this story Billy is also chewing copenhagen and spitting into a cup about every 5 seconds or so. There is no way I could write this story with all the spit breaks included, but just keep that in the back of your mind.
To get on with the story, Billy and I are in the car, and he tells me "Dude, I have to ask you a question" "Okay..." I respond, not sure where this is going. "Well man" he says "I have kind of had this thing going on with this girl I work with you know, kinda flirtin' around and stuff"
"Right" I say. "Well, I told her, hey, I want to take you out, can I take you out to dinner and a movie?" "Well, she says yes, and I go pick her up, not dressed too nice, but not bad either, you know, nothing unusual"
"That sounds fine" I say, still having absolutely no idea where this is going. Though often these conversations with Billy go nowhere.
"Well, so yeah, so I pick her up and take her out to dinner, we go to the Olive Garden, you know, the one that just opened up, and we have a nice dinner you know and go to the movies, and nothing really happens, you know, I take her home, we kiss, that's about it"
"Alright, so that doesn't sound so bad, what was the question?"
"Man, so I go to call her the next day and she doesn't call me back, I call her again, and she doesn't call me back. Finally, I catch her at work and ask her why she hasn't returned my calls, you know what she tells me?"
"What?"
"Well She tells me "I know what you want, you're only trying to get in my fuckin' pants, taking me to Olive Garden on the first date!"
All that I can do is laugh for a minute until he says "So that's my question man, do you think Olive Garden means you want to fuck on the first date?"
"Dude, I have never thought that in my life"
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2 comments:
Hunter, I think that you might need to investigate this further. What is the cultural barometer reading for first dates? If the Olive Garden is...too nice (this doesn't seem quite right in my mind), then what are the lads in Exurbia to do? First date at the DQ for Blizzards? Just a movie?
I think that the more presumptuous move would be to invite a lady for dinner at your place on a first date.
I think the first key part is that the lady in question works at Wal-Mart. Second, I'm not sure where one could go that's lower on the totem pole than Olive Garden, it's not like they have a lot of teriyaki joints out there. Arby's?
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